FANGIRL by Rainbow Rowell

Thing of Note: Needs a trigger warning for anxiety. 

The main character's social anxiety is described accurately enough for me to have a panic attack in response to it. This is also the reason I'm marking the book Did Not Finish and moving on in the third chapter. The book isn't bad, but I can't handle this level of triggering right now.

I didn't read enough of this book to feel that I should give it things like ratings. It's probably a good book; a lot of people think it is anyway. And it's the book Simon Snow was born in and I quite liked his book, Carry On. But this girl is me.

To be fair, Cath's not reacting as poorly as the me who's reading about this is. (I'm crying as I type this, but think it's important to get out. Both for my mental health and to help others understand.) But she's doing things I did in my high school dorm. The only reason I survived there with my anxiety was that I had a room to myself after the first month. (That month was HARD. I was with my sister, who doesn't actually trigger my anxiety, but she had a constant stream of friends, many of whom were there to play games on my computer since this was before most students had one. I spent a lot of time huddled in the corner of my bed hiding in a book as I struggled not to sob until I was alone. My fellow dormies weren't bad, scary people. They weren't toxic or anything. If anything, they were unusually nice people in general. But even when I had my own room, my anxiety was a constant. More than once I'd cower next to my door desperately needing to pee but waiting until I couldn't hear anyone in the hall to sprint to the bathroom.)

The spot I broke off in features Cath sitting at her computer. She wants to write but can't because there are Other People moving around behind her. She's starving, but can't eat. Why? Because she hasn't managed to force her way to the cafeteria yet (I spent two years not eating meals because I couldn't handle mine) and she doesn't want to break out her jar of peanut butter in front of the roommate and the roommate's boyfriend.

Maybe Cath pulls out of this, although if she does it for any reason other than obtaining a proper diagnosis, suitable medication, and an excellent therapist, I'd call it abilist bullshit. As she doesn't even seem to recognize she has an anxiety disorder, I'm not optimistic. It's also possible she winds up in a hospital, but my money is on she makes some friends and suddenly everything is better because that's the sort of inane thing people have advised me to do. It's the exact same crap as telling someone with depression that they'd be better if they watched more comedies.

The cover material describes Cath as "outside of her comfort zone" which I feel was a significant understatement. If it had been more honest about the degree of "discomfort" I probably would have avoided it, or at least not tried to read it while I was going through a period of increased anxiety.

I'm not going to bother adding my notes because I've shared most of what was in them anyway. I related to Cath. Then I related too much. Then I couldn't breathe or see the screen through my tears. Then I was meditating in the dark trying to calm down enough to possibly go to sleep.

This morning, I told someone, "I think I have to abandon the book I'm reading. It's triggering my anxiety." She stopped me there and said, "Do it. You're crying just saying that much and no one is forcing you to read this thing."

So... Yeah. I'm going to post this, cry a little, and start a cheesy hockey romance novel I bought a while back because everything in my library reading queue is too serious and dark for today.

And maybe tomorrow I'll review the book I read before starting this one. I renjoyed it and it didn't make me cry at all.

LOVELY WAR by Julie Berry

Rating: An enormous heart-shaped box of gourmet chocolates suitable for the goddess of love Herself.

Highlight of note: The two mortal love stories in this novel are expertly narrated by Aphrodite as she testifies before her husband, with occasional sections where the narrative is taken over by another deity. Aphrodite is an omniscient narrator who blatantly interferes with events from time to time as part of her mission to spread romance through the mortal world.

Will you read more by this author? I absolutely intend to.

Favorite Quote: "Marriage was simpler, he realizes, when the game plan was 'catch her in a net.'"


The Canaanite goddess Astarte, often seen as a predecessor of Aphrodite, was a goddess not only of love but also of war. So it's not really news that romance and war are often linked, nor that love stories in times of war have poignancy and power.

This tale starts in a hotel in New York during World War II, where Hephaestus catches his wife, Aphrodite, with his brother Aries, the god of war. Apollo and Hades are both brought in as witnesses. As the goddess begins to explain herself, Aphrodite delves into the stories of two mortal couples who met during the last year of the first World War. The deities provide a chorus-like commentary throughout the novel, but also have their own story. Aphrodite is the principal narrator for the mortal tale, but the duty of storytelling shifts in some sections to Apollo, Hades, and Ares, who take turns when things delve more into their realms.

The four members of the two mortal couples are all interesting and vibrant characters. James and Hazel are young and English. They'd hoped the war would be over before they were old enough to deal with it, but it wasn't. They meet just before James ships off to France and, with some meddling by the goddess of love, embark on a romance that stretches through his time in service. The other pair are Collette, a survivor of the German invasion of Belgium that slaughtered most of her hometown, and Aubrey, an African-American jazz musician who fights not only the Germans but the appalling racism of his era. They realize fairly quickly that they belong together, but the reality was that an interracial relationship in 1918 was something that could be met with a life-threatening level of intolerance. For a good part of the book I was worried not that the Germans would kill Aubrey but that a white American would.

The deities are all characters I was highly familiar with and I feel they're portrayed excellently. At one point Hephaestus is described as not knowing whether to laugh or smash a window, which is exactly what I imagine being married to Aphrodite is like. In another spot, Aries puts on a shirt to recognize the solemnity of the occasion, but doesn't button it because he doesn't want to deny the world the sight of his abs.

I can't say enough about how effective Berry's writing is. I laughed, yes, but I also cried on multiple occasions. Usually, I don't particularly care for books making me cry, but with this one, the tears just seemed part of the art.

The voice of this book is something I can't really describe but absolutely adored. It's serious and full of beauty, but also contains large amounts of whimsy and clever turns of phrase. I'm definitely eager to read more from Berry.

In short, I adored this novel.

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Below you'll find the notes I took as I read. Clearly, they contain major spoilers.

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Notes
6% We open with Aphrodite being caught in a hotel room with Aries by Hephaestus. She declares that she can neither love not be loved. She is now going to explain by telling two stories. This is a truly fascinating start. I love the deities and the concept but also the voice.

8% Okay, I am absolutely loving the way Aphrodite is telling this story as an omniscient witness. And I love that some humans can see her.

12% These few paragraphs that focus on Hephaestus are interesting. He compares Aphrodite's work to his craft and seems to really be respecting it.

20% Oh, man. Called in early to the war without having kissed the girl because he was supposed to do that the morning he was supposed to leave. My heart hurts. This is really well told.

24% Ares puts on a shirt because "a court appearance demands decorum." He doesn't button it though.

35% I'm liking the Aubrey / Collette romance. And adoring Aubrey in general.

40% I'm rather worried the racist southern asshats are going to kill Aubrey before the Germans get a chance...

50% Oh. Wow. Aubrey's declarations to Collette really reasonate emotionally. This is remarkably effective writing.

51% Ah, shit. Did they just kill Joey?

53% Dangit. Joey's afterlife scene made me cry.

57% This book keeps making me cry! This time it's the scene in the church were they light candles for the Germans James shot.

67% I am literally sick to my stomach with worry about Operation Michael. I remember it being ultimately unsuccessful but that more Alliea died than Germans.

68% It's unfortunate that decades after these events someone would make a sci-fi film where the bad guys, who wear silly face-covering helmets and can't hit a target to save their Empire, are called storm troopers because it makes what was very tense and terrifying sound a little silly to someone of my generation or younger because the narrative keeps going on about the storm troops swarming the lines.

70% Poor broken James... But he seems to have survived. That's something.

77% I feel that maybe I should be upset at James for  refusing to see Hazel, but I hurt for him. I wonder what the sister is going to do. There's no way she's following her mum's order not to interfere.

78% I love Aphrodite and her meddling.

86% Aphrodite says we can end here, with both our couples happy. I kind of want to, especially as it's Ares who wants the stories continued.

87% Holy shit. Exploding train. I'd somewhat foolishly figured the girls were safe.

89% Saved by Aphrodite's pleas to Hades. Literally a deus ex machina. And I'm okay with it.

91% The gods are crying. Even Area took a handkerchief. Can't say I blame them.

92% What a beautiful ever after story for Hazel and James. <3

93% So sad about Jim Europe. Note to self: research if he was real. The bit about being the first black man to have a funeral from the City of New York makes me think he was.

94% Not as much a happy story for our other pair. Thank you, American racism. But I'm happy they had each other even if they were having to deal with hate and ridiculousness from others.

95% Aphrodite using her boon to ask Hades to protect the children of our couples in the new war made me cry again.

96% Aphrodite cracks me up. I knew the frame story was also a romance, so I should have realized she was behind the entire set up.

"He doesn't know whether to laugh or smash a window." ROFL. Yeah, that sounds like what being married to Aphrodite would be like.

"Marriage was simpler, he realizes, when the game plan was 'catch her in a net.'"


THE END
An amazingly sweet ending. Aphrodite and Hephaestus are going to meet up some morning for coffee and lemon cake, just like Hazel and James. And I'm very happy for them.

97% HISTORICAL NOTE
Jim Europe was, in fact, real. He's credited for starting France's love of jazz, whiich means he's indirectly responsible for the fact that one of the few things I know how to say in French is "I listen to Jazz records."

WE SET THE DARK ON FIRE by Tehlor Kay Mejia

Rating: A campfire that keeps going out and needing to be rekindled.

Highlight of note: It's a sapphic romance with Latinx flavorings.

Will you read the next book in this series? Possibly. If I notice when it comes out and still remember this book. (There's no release yet, but I'm assuming sometime in 2020.) 

I was really excited when I read the prologue for this book and found out the society I was going to be reading about imitated a god who had two wives. Was this a polyamorous YA novel? If so, it would only be the second one I'd come across. Sadly, it was not. Although the families at the upper end of the society all feature men with two wives, he's only sexually involved with one of them and the women aren't expected to be more than friends. It's actually really insulting as one wife, the Primera, is expected to be intelligent while the other, the Segunda, is expected to be sexy. Because according to these people, women can't (or shouldn't?) be both.

The polygamy is set up to be one of the broken things about the governing class of the island. It's better to be lower class and love one person. The notion that there could be triads out there where they all love each other is never floated, despite the fact that the parents-in-law in this novel are presented as having a well functioning marriage. Part of this is the upper class people not marrying for love trope, but since the polygamy is limited to the upper classes, it comes across as undesirable and something people shouldn't be cool with. And, honestly, the way they do it is messed up to me.

The story focuses on a teen named Dani. We meet her just before she is married to a young man who may be destined to be the next leader of their nation. The husband never shows any sign of redeeming qualities, being a shallow spoiled brat sort of villian. The other woman in their marriage is Carmen, who has been bullying Dani the entire five years they were at wife school. (Yes, wife school. They called it something else. I forget what. But it was wife school.) She is the love interest.

I was actually a little surprised and happy Carmen wound up as the love interest. I had thought it was going to be the male revolutionary who showed up just before the wedding to provide Dani with fake identification papers and enlist her in the rebel cause. And they could still end up as a triad, although I doubt it as the author really doesn't seem to like the triad idea very much. If she did, she would have arranged the school differently. The girls go through taking separate classes for Primeras and Segundas, and having little to do with each other except in passing. Someone who thought a three-way marriage was something that could be achieved happily would probably have set the school up so that the girls were paired earlier and allowed to bond with each other before meeting their husband. As it is, the only reason I can see for them being at the same school was to allow Dani and Carmen to have a history of hurt and antagonism.

I thought while I was reading it that I liked the book, but now that I'm writing about it I'm starting to think that maybe I didn't. I wasn't really very invested in Dani, so waiting over a week to write the review means I've forgotten some of what kept me going and am just remembering the things that bugged me. They're bugging me more now that there's no story to distract me from them. Looking over my notes, it seems I was more caught up in the romance than I remember being, so I suppose it worked well enough but lacked something that would make it truly memorable.

This is really a fairly standard dystopian YA. The teens are outraged about injustice and unfairness, and have valid reasons to be because the government is incredibly bad. Whole sections of the population are walled off to starve while the rich insult them for existing, the girls are trapped in a relationship with an arrogant and potentially violent creep, and the leaders of the resistance are all under twenty.

The vilains make little sense. The only reason the Garcia family indicates for choosing Dani to marry their son is that they think it will give them political pull to have him married to someone low class. (She's worse than they know. They think she's from near the wall, and thus undesirable. She's actually from over the wall, and thus not legally able to be near them at all.) It's never indicated that this really matters. While the leader of the government is called a president, it's pretty obvious that he's not the sort that makes it into office by popular vote. None of them have any depth, being caricatures of nasty elitist snobs.

Neither Dani nor Carmen really engaged me all that much, although I can't say why really. Yeah, Dani tries too hard to be an ice queen; she was trained to be one. But the problem there is the society, not Dani. I suppose that's the heart of my problem with the novel: it's less about overcoming oneself and more about destroying an evil society/government. A society/government that will, I'm sure, eventually be brought down by teenagers deciding to care. Maybe I'm just getting too jaded and old to believe in that sort of tale anymore.

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Below you'll find the notes I took as I read. Clearly, they contain major spoilers.

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Notes
3% Romantic triad in the prologue!

4% Whoa. So the MC's society expects everyone to be in a triad. This will either make me very happy or very annoyed. I'm already concerned about the society. It's not openly polyamorous. It's just that men all have two wives. So what happens to the other half of men? And what about a woman who wants two wives? How would a man with three wives be treated? Or one with a single wife for that matter? 

(Note from later: apparently only ruling class men get two wives. Lower classes enter two person unions, but I suspect they're bitter about it because they'll have fewer available women than if rich guys didn't get two.)

(Note from even later: apparently the Primera's aren't sexual with anyone? Not the husbands, not the Segundas, not random gardeners... That's messed up, because I'm pretty sure they aren't all asexual and a lot of them would like to have sex lives.)


8% An attractive rebel. His name is Sota, but I'm going to call him Love Interest.

11% So, what are the odds on this obnoxious Carmen person being the Segunda in Dani's marriage? It seems that should have been mentioned, but her counterpart hasn't been mentioned at all. Does she not know who it is? In which case it's almost definitely Carmen.

13% The marriage ceremonies are pretty sweet if you ignore that they're all arranged by people who aren't the participants.

13% Yep, her Segunda is Carmen.

20% Carmen is intriguing me. She's clearly smarter than a Segunda is supposed to be. And the line about the protesters will stop when they're not hungry anymore shows sympathy, or at least awareness of problems people unlike herself have. (Or are they unlike herself? She's supposed to be from a wealthy background, but she was on Dani's bus to school. I'm sure it went to other neighborhoods, but I doubt it went too far up the mountain.) Almost wondering if Carmen is the Love Interest rather than Soto. Or if they're supposed to be one of these "high class" triads that don't exist on the other side of the wall.

23% Yeah, I'm with Dani that it's freaky how Mateo is looking at Carmen. It's also a little weird that a Primera doesn't have to have sex. I wonder if some of them do or if that's looked down on. Also, it sucks that the Segunda is supposed to serve meals like she's a servant. Is that regular or just this messed up family?

28% Nice tearing of a new asshole, Dani! Soto is clearly too used to being able to get girls to do what he wants them to.

29% Carmen saw Soto leave. Somehow I'm not surprised. I am surprised she was out collecting caterpillars.

42% After knowing her for over five years, Dani still knows nothing of Carmen's background. That supports my theory that Carmen isn't what she pretends to be 

43% Um, yeah, so Dani definitely seems to be attracted to undressed Carmen...

51% Mateo just becomes less and less likable. He started out spoiled and insincere but is in danger of being a caricature of a bad guy at this point. I'd like to see him have a bit of personality beyond being odious.

53% And, yes, Carmen was on the bus way back when because she was from near the wall too. I really don't understand how the otherwise intelligent Dani never figured that out. It does make one wonder though; why did the Garcias, who are the worst of elitists, pick the two girls from the wall? The Primera choosing Dani for political appearances almost makes sense, but Mama Garcia is openly hateful about salty blood, so why pick a girl from the wall to bear her grandchildren?

Also... Yeah, Carmen is most definitely a love interest.

54% Mama Garcia knows someone's been in contact with someone. My bet is she has something on Carmen, not Dani. I'm thinking both the marriages were designed as traps.

55% Hmm... Why does Mama Garcia smell funny? Something floral over something metallic... perfume to cover up illness? Or poison?

58% This date the girls are on is adorable.

61% I like the transformation in Dani's grit.

63% I somehow doubt Carmen is buying the pretense behind this trip. But even if she is, this seems like the sort of like it's easy to get caught in. What happens when the family tries to send flowers to someone who isn't in the hospital and never was?

76% The scene with Carmen and Dani assuring each other their feelings are real was intense and touching. Very well done.

85% Mama Garcia's having an affair with the driver??? I did NOT see that coming.

87% Yeah, I have a lot of questions about Alex knowing Carmen. Because she really seems to.Was I right about her being a spy?

97% THE END
The lovers separate. Dani's mission goes on. Carmen is with the resistance. Sucks to be Dani right now.

AN ABSOLUTELY REMARKABLE THING by Hank Green

Rating: A desktop-sized collector-quality Samurai robot flashing a peace sign

Highlight of note: A man writes a bisexual female lead without making her sex-crazed and promiscuous.

Will you read more by this author? Probably, yes.

Favorite Quote: This is from the author's notes rather than the actual text, but I loved it so much I have to share it: "I also want to say thank you to every single person who ever says "You have to read this book!" to a friend. I don't care if it's this book; I just want people to remind each other how wonderful books are." To which I can only say, "Amen, Hank!"


Obviously, the main reason I picked this book up is because it was written by Hank Green. I know him largely from Crash Course (see the Crash Course YouTube page if you don't know what that is and feel free to thank me later for alerting you to its existence), which he does with his brother, John. It's one of my favorite things ever. Now here's a confession that I make knowing it will upset a lot of people: I don't much care for John Green's books. It's not that they aren't well written; they absolutely are. It's just I'm depressed enough already, thank you. I've read several of them but usually ended with a sense of "Why did I do that to myself?" Despite that, I was intrigued when "the other Green brother" wrote a novel and wanted to check it out.

I went in knowing absolutely nothing about it other than that it had an unexciting cover, a nondescript title, and an author with a high level name recognition in the circles I travel. Therefore, when protagonist April May came across the massive samurai robot statue that would come to be known as "New York Carl" I had no idea if I should be assuming this was an artwork or an alien mech warrior. I enjoyed that uncertainty enough that I'm not going to tell you anything more detailed unless you go past the spoiler warnings below.

At the end of the day, it didn't really matter what Carl was because the book was only about him or even about its plot on a very superficial level. It's mostly a discourse on the nature of fame and on human tribalism.

April May has the name of a Mary Sue. And my son, who has put a lot of research into the concept of the cloyingly perfect characters known as Mary Sues, tells me "bisexual female" is a modern Mary Sue trait. (This confused me because it's been my experience that while bisexual women are treated more favorably than bisexual men, we're still under-represented and frequently very poorly portrayed. This was touched on in the novel when April is advised to "just be lesbian" by her agent under the theory that the optics of bisexuality are mostly negative.) April isn't a Mary Sue, though. If anything, she's more of an antihero. Despite the fact that people eventually start trying to kill her, her main enemy through to the very end of the narrative is herself. Her brand is about loving each other and trusting in the goodness of others, yet she constantly sabotages her own relationships and even her safety through her flaws of insecurity and hubris. (Odd how often those two things pair up, isn't it?) At times it's really hard to like April, in part because even though she is the narrator, there's a part of her that actively wants you to dislike her so that she'll feel less pressure to care about your feelings. Yet, she's not a heartless bitch; she's just a young woman with faulty defense mechanisms.

As I said, this story is a discussion as much as a narrative. Things happen. Interesting things, even. But they're not really the point of the book. The point is to tell us about humanity through the lens of a regular girl (April is only twenty-three) who rises to global fame. At times it felt a bit too overt in its lecturing, leaving me rolling my eyes and going, "Yes, yes, tribalism leads to poor behavior. This is known!" but the plot is strong enough to make pulling through all that worthwhile.

I found the ending a little anticlimactic, but I'm not sure it isn't the sort of thing I'll like more than longer it percolates in my mind and I'm honestly not certain how I would have ended it differently.

Overall, I don't regret reading this and don't think most people would. So while it didn't jump onto my list of favorites, it did leave me interested in Hank's future works.

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Below you'll find the notes I took as I read. Clearly, they contain major spoilers.

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Notes

4% Wait, why is a dude writing from the POV of a lesbian (or possible bisexual)? As he's someone I feel familiar with, I'll not toss the book down in disgust, but really? Also, April May is dating someone named Maya. What's up with that?

5% There's a character named Andy. It's always weird when a character has your name, isn't it? This a boy Andy, which throws me off even more.

8% That didn't seem like a particularly interesting video. Not sure how it beat out the music videos that usually claim the title to be the most viewed thing on YouTube.

9% There are big robot samurai all over the world? Viral art or alien invasion? I know nothing about this book other than who wrote it, so I honestly don't know if it's sci-fi or not.

11% "Don't Stop Me Now" Hmm... Could indicate aliens. I mean, there are words like "I'm traveling at the speed of light" and "I'm a rocket ship on its way to Mars." Or it could be saying it's going to assimilate people "I wanna make a supersonic man out of you!" Or the artist could just really like Queen.

(Also, Other Andy hadn't heard of this song. I weep for today's youth.)

Also, is 23rd Street a reference to the human genome?


12% Ok, this Wikipedia thing is weird and creepy. A universe where new misspellings appear every time you fix a misspelling and the original misspelling doesn't even get resolved is something I may have had nightmares about.

13% I A M U hmm...

14% It would have been awesome if these things WERE viral advertising for a previously unreleased Queen album coming out. Not a great story, but I'd love a new Queen album.

26% Agent wants April to "just be gay" because apparently she doesn't think bisexuality is good for marketing. This does not endear her to me.

30% Carl's hand ran away... Well, that's interesting.

35% The new assistant is moving to NYC on three hours notice? That's some career dedication.

36% She was right. The way she treated Maya was horrible.

51% April is deeply flawed. The Defenders are even more so though. Why is everything about fear for some people?

56% I have been expecting Miranda and Andy to hook up since LA... Wonder how much longer it will take.

60% Oh, dear. April has hooked up with Miranda. That complicates things 

64% I feel the allegory has become excessively lecturey over the last few pages.

65% Global attacks by Defender types. Can't say I'm shocked.

65% Something shoved April out of harm's way and she doesn't know what... Could it have been the missing hand?

66% It was the hand! One might wonder how it got from LA to NYC, but it's a mysterious alien hand, so what's the point?

69% "It's not really news until they stop running ads." Very valid observation...

73% The attempted assassin turned to goo? Huh?

78% Ah, the Carls turned him into goo. Got it. So why are they repeatedly protecting April while letting tons of other people die around them?

80% Grape jelly? That's more humorous than I was expecting. Trying to lessen the scariness of someone dying by having their insides turned to goo?

83% The answer to the 747 puzzle is "Call Me Maybe?" Literally laughing out loud here.

88% I TOTALLY forgot that clue! Well played, Mr Green.

89% "Of course it's Bowie." I mean how could it NOT be Bowie?

91% Eek. Trapped by the bad guys! The Carls aren't going to like that. And, also, the local authorities should be on their way because everyone knows where she is... Unless they blow the building before anyone gets there...

91% Or is it the bad guys? Someone has changed Bowie's lyrics on the Spotify copy of Golden Age, which is playing in the building April's trapped in. That sounds like a Carl thing to do. But the building's on fire, which implies someone really is trying to hurt her 

98% All this stuff from Andy would probably have me misty eyed if I thought April was really dead. But she wrote the rest of this book later, so the worst she is now is a computer-hosted consciousness.

99% THE END
Hmm... A little anticlimactic. A message from April proving she's not dead (although not that her body recovered because it's just a text) but giving us no information. I'll need to process how I feel about this.

ON THE COME UP by Angie Thomas

Rating: A glittery scepter suitable for royalty and a considerable amount of respect.

Highlight of note: Compassion and realism combine as we get a second look into Garden Heights, an innercity neighborhood that is every bit as much of a character in this novel as any of the humans.

Will you read more by this author? This is the second novel I've read by Ms Thomas and the only way it will be the last is if she doesn't publish any more.


Angie Thomas has a tendency to make me feel like an impossibly middle class white woman. I did catch the title of her first novel, The Hate U Give, as a reference to Tupac's THUG LIFE, because I've appreciated that acronym since I first came across it (The Hate U Give Little Infants F*s Everyone), so it could be worse, but I was sitting in my arm chair drinking tea and listening to melodic rock while reading about innercity rap battles. It made me examine why I was reading this book and whether it was a form of tourism. I had to admit that part of my attraction to the book is seeing a culture I'm not part of, but isn't seeing people who aren't exactly like you part of the point of reading? Thomas is black, grew up in an innercity neighborhood not unlike Garden Heights, was herself a teen rapper, and has studied hip hop at a collegiate level, so this is clearly not something that exists just to entertain white people. She's giving a voice to the girl she used to be, and I think that's something people of all races should listen to.

It's impossible to set aside race when discussing this book. Much of its focus is on the black experience, both the good parts and the not great parts. We're shown a culture where bonds between people are tight and community is important, but we're also shown a world where teens are violently tossed to the ground without provocation and fathers get shot down between their house and their car. This is not the sort of book where you could just pick the story up and drop it in a white suburb while expecting it to still make sense. Parts of it would still work. The romantic arcs of both the main character and her close friends could take place in any sphere. But much of Bri's soul searching and struggle is wrapped up in being from the Gardens.

There's drama here: a father who was murdered steps from the family's front door, a mother who fell into drug addiction when she lacked proper resources to help her recover from being widowed with two young children, an aunt who belongs to a gang and makes a living selling drugs. There's a fledgling career in rap accompanied by a battle to determine what values a young artist wants to instill in her music. There's conflict with the mostly-white authorities at school. And since we're talking about teenagers, there's unexpected romance. There's a lot going on in this book, but it all blends together seamlessly.

Bri is easy to cheer for. She's vibrant, caring, and wicked clever. While not the best student, she's clearly highly intelligent and quick thinking, which is demonstrated well in her quick rap compositions. And she adores Tweety Bird while thinking Big Bird is a thing of nightmares. How could anyone not love her?

Bri's family are likewise people you come to care about. Her mother's strength in regaining her life after addiction would have any reader cheering for her. It would be easy to sum Aunt Pooh up as a drug dealer, but she's also a loyal supporter of her niece, a helper to her sister, and an adorably affectionate girlfriend to her girlfriend. (Yes, the gang affiliated aunt is a lesbian. You don't want to receive the look she'd give you if you raise an eyebrow about that.) I'll admit I found Bri's grandmother's judgmental nature to be a bit too much for me to handle, but Grandma redeems herself in the end by proving how much she truly cares about her family.

Overall, I found nothing to complain about in this book and a lot to praise. When The Hate U Give was first released, I was skeptical before reading it. Was it really as good as everyone was gushing or were people just responding to the topic? (That book was about a girl who witnessed a childhood friend shot by a cop at a traffic stop even though the boy had done nothing threatening.) Well, it was really that good. It's high on the list of books everyone in the US should read, combining a powerful message with expertly worded narrative. On the surface, On the Come Up might seem less important, being about a rapper rather than a victim of police violence, but it features both the outstanding delivery of the first book and the ability to open conversations we as a nation need to be having.

In short, this is a book people should read and I'm glad I'm one of the ones who has.

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Below you'll find the notes I took as I read. Clearly, they contain major spoilers.

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Notes

4% Girl's smart enough for a rap battle but not good in school, because not only does she not apply herself but she's a major troublemaker. Seems a bit cliche, but alright. Also... Popkenchurch. Going to three restaurants to make one meal does seem like something one wouldn't do lightly. Wonder what's up with Mom.

5% Gang member aunt has a girlfriend. That's nice.

6% When someone says "May the force beam you up, Scotty," I assume they're pulling my chain, not honestly confusing space operas. I do like that our young hero is into Star Wars, though.

6% "I fiend for that feeling." I haven't heard that usage of fiend before, but I like it.

8% Asshole pulls out her daddy's murder as a slam line? And smirks like he's proud of himself rather than being ashamed at the lowness of that blow  There goes my hope he might be a worthy love interest.

10% Although maybe Asshole was just saying what his dad told him to and can have a redemptive arc about overcoming your upbringing.

11% I don't know much about rap, but those seemed like damned good lines.

24% Girl wrote a publishable song within half an hour of hearing her beat. I'm impressed. But then she does it improv style too, so I guess she's got practice going quickly.

27% Wow, that grandma... She makes the most negative people I know seem supportive.

28% Interesting vibe from Curtis. "I do care about you," may be underselling it.

32% Hmmm. Not sure if lunch with Malik is a date or not either. Guess we'll find out at lunch.

32% Well, he's bringing another chick with them, so probably not a date.

37% I've got a bad feeling about this manger guy.

42% I think I agree with Pooh that Bri's going to seem fake at best and piss off the wrong people at worst. She's thinking ? is better at making hits, but she hates the last song he made popular because it's shallow as hell.

47% I like Miles-without-a-z. He does seem like worthy love interest material now that he's apologized. 

50% I think Miles might be the mystery guy, which would make him a love interest, but not Bri's

56% "If he can keep his act straight" is apparently a funny thing to say about Miles. I'm going to double down on the idea he's Mystery Boy.

62% Sonny's heard Mystery Boy's voice before but can't place where. Yep. It's definitely Miles.

65% Shit. Bri's going after a gang member? We were having a lovely YA personal drama scene and now that? Damn.

66% Okay, Pooh's going after the gang member. And she's a gang lord herself. Still...

74% She didn't commit murder, but Pooh's still arrested. And I feel physically sick about it.

75% That's one nice kiss...

81% I like Curtis. Glad they're going to "do romantic shit" together.

83% And now Supreme shows his sleeze.

87% Yep, Miles is Mystery Boy.

96% Yes! Bri went up there and told Supreme and the label guy to screw themselves, just like I wanted her to. :)

98% I don't know who the big name that wants to rap with Bri is, but I'm tears-in-my-eyes happy for her.

THE END 

THE DARKEST PART OF THE FOREST by Holly Black

Rating: A nutshell full of magic

Highlight of note: Holly Black's trademark creepiness meshes with a surprising amount of sweetness.

Will you read more by this author? Absolutely. This book wasn't going to change that in either direction though as I have loved many of her books before and am fervently awaiting the conclusion of a series of hers.


I don't know how I missed this book when it first came out, but I'm glad I've remedied the gap in my reading.

As I said above, this book retains Black's normal creepiness but adds something innocent and pure. Something that, oddly enough, never gets tainted. The main character is a human named Hazel who has made a deal with the Elderking that I shan't get into the details of since it isn't known at the start of the book. Along with her brother, she has spent years romanticizing a faerie prince who sleeps in a crystal coffin near her hometown. Then the prince awakens and the siblings, along with a changeling friend, find themselves in the middle of a heck of a lot of faerie drama.

I found the characters likable, perhaps more so than Black's usual offerings. There are two romances present, both of which I believed and pulled for. (And one of which was a same-sex pairing if that details important to you.) Hazel's brother was perhaps a little melodramatic, a classic tortured musician type, but it worked for him.  Faerie changeling Jack seemed particularly touching to me, quietly struggling with a duality of nature. The Elderking does lack a bit of depth as a villain, but he's given little enough page time for there to be an implication that maybe there was more going on with him and it was just never revealed to our party.

The story is strong with a plot that is cohesive and moves at a decent pace. I did feel a little disengaged for most of the opening half, but the second half pulled me along quite well. The conclusion is solid, leaving it clear that life is going on but still making us feel like we've witnessed the full story. And it ends on an optimistic note that I approved of.

Holly Black's faerie stories take place in different kingdoms but in the same world. Her current series mentioned the sleeping prince in passing and there is some hope that the characters from this book could appear elsewhere as this is something that has happened with other characters from the universe. I'm hoping to see them again, but I'm also okay with leaving them to their lives.

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Below you'll find the notes I took as I read. Clearly, they contain major spoilers.

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Notes

9% Very interesting... I wonder what stupid thing Hazel had to give in her bargain.

22% Maybe it's just me, but I don't think I'd be hanging around waiting for this horned guy. The siblings seem to be assuming he's not dangerous.

24% Wow. Kid broke his hand because he thought playing music while upset killed someone. That's extreme. I mean, he could just refuse to play while upset. Or did he think not being able to play would get the family to move?

36% A girl with plants growing out of her mouth and an uninvited kiss from a reawakened prince. Interesting stuff, although I'm not feeling overly invested in any of it. I do wonder if Severin really knows as much as he claims.

38% Interesting tidbit about Jack using his glamour on people. And having liked Hazel in the past (I thought there was something of a "I'm not going to play because I want you to actually care about me" thing going on with their kiss at the party.) I want to see more of Jack.

46% School attack was creepy as hell.

52% Whoa. Hazel's a faerie knight by night? That's groovy. And scary since she has no memory of it.

63% Jack has finally mentioned being in love with Hazel. She really should return the favor. Although that smile... Maybe he knows.

65% I'm really loving the dynamic between Ben and Severin.

72% Interesting way to defeat Sorrow in battle. I wonder what she'll do now. Is she better forever? That seems too easy.

79% A little disappointed not to see the scene with Knight Hazel. I assume that's for tension.

83% Severin's declaration of love is super-sweet.

90% I still really like Jack. :)

91% THE END (The rest of the book is previews for other works that I have already read.)
It's a good ending. A little more of an optimistic happily-ever-after than Black usually offers, but I'm more than okay with that.

THE ONES WHO WALK AWAY FROM OMELAS by Ursula Le Guin

Rating: A glistening Fabergé egg

Highlight of note: This is not the first time I've been exposed to the moral question behind this story, but it felt much more real this time. Oddly enough, I feel that Le Guin's repeated breaking of the fourth wall is part of why.

Would you read more by this author? Oh, yes. I was actually thinking recently that there are books by her I have never read and that I should fix that, but this solidifies that. I also need to figure out where my copy of her book on writing is hiding, because she was certainly someone who knew what she was talking about.


This story is more of a setting than a complete tale. It describes a place, the city of Omelas, and its society and the conditions under which it thrives. Yet it is captivating and powerful.

Things start out rather slowly as Le Guin contrasts the world of the Omelas, who reside in a joyful Utopia, to an exaggerated (or perhaps merely overstated) version of our own jaded reality. I was starting to tune out and wonder why the story had been recommended to me when I hit this line, "...I fear that Omelas so far strikes some of you as goody-goody. Smiles, bells, parades, horses, bleh. If so, please add an orgy." This struck me as writing advice to someone who is doing an erotic novel for NaNo. The usual advice is that if you get bored, you should add ninjas, but surely in an erotica, an orgy would make more sense. Anyway, it amused me into continuing to read.

A few lines later, the writing delivers a complete punch to the gut and I suddenly realized why Le Guin mentioned Dostoyevsky in the intro despite my shoddy memory of The Brothers Karamazov. I'm not going to describe what's written in any more detail because I don't feel I'd add to many people's understandings if they've already read it and I fear spoiling its impact for any who have not. I will say that I feel Le Guin did a better, or at least more emotionally evocative, job of presenting the scenario than her Russian predecessor.

The version of the story I borrow from my library came with an afterword written in 2016 in which Le Guin discussed some of the responses people wrote her with. While discussing this, she wrote, "In talking about the meaning of a story, we need to be careful not to diminish it, impoverish it. A story can say different things to different people. It may have no definitive reading." She then tells of a response that challenged her own understanding of the work years after it was written. That's what kind of story this is: the sort of deep exploration of existence where even the author has trouble identifying what is meant by it. It is complex and painfully beautiful. If you haven't read it, you should remedy that.